My Father and I or My Father and Me depends on grammar, not politeness or word order. Use my father and I when the phrase is the subject of the sentence, and use my father and me when it is the object of a verb or a preposition. This rule stays the same in statements, questions, and longer sentences, even when everyday speech sounds different.
The explanation that follows defines subject and object pronouns, shows how the phrase works in common sentence patterns, and explains why mistakes happen in compound constructions. Clear examples label nouns, pronouns, verbs, conjunctions, and prepositions, with checks for verb tense and subject–verb agreement. Practical tests and short edits make it easy to choose my father and I or my father and me accurately in both formal and casual writing.
Contextual Examples
Basic Rule
Rule summary: Use I when the pronoun is the subject of a verb. Use me when the pronoun is the object of a verb or a preposition.
Parts of speech: I / me = pronouns; father = noun; and = conjunction; verbs show action or state.
Example 1 — Subject Use
Sentence: My father and I went to the park.
Parts of speech: My (possessive adjective) father (noun) and (conjunction) I (pronoun, subject) went (verb, past) to (preposition) the (article) park (noun).
Check: Remove my father and to test: I went to the park. That reads correctly, so I is right.
Example 2 — Object Use
Sentence: The teacher called my father and me.
Parts of speech: The (article) teacher (noun, subject) called (verb, past) my (possessive adjective) father (noun) and (conjunction) me (pronoun, object).
Check: Remove my father and to test: The teacher called me. That reads correctly, so me is right.
Example 3 — After a Preposition
Sentence: The gift is for my father and me.
Parts of speech: The (article) gift (noun, subject) is (verb, present) for (preposition) my (possessive adjective) father (noun) and (conjunction) me (pronoun, object of preposition).
Check: Remove my father and to test: The gift is for me. That is correct, so me is right.
Example 4 — Compound Subject with Verb Agreement
Sentence: My father and I are planning a trip.
Parts of speech: My (possessive adjective) father (noun) and (conjunction) I (pronoun) are (verb, present plural) planning (verb, present participle) a (article) trip (noun).
Check: Subject is plural (father + I) so use plural verb are.
Example 5 — Avoiding False Formality
Wrong: My father and I were invited to affect change, so contact him or I.
Problem: Using I in object position after a preposition is wrong.
Correct: My father and I were invited to affect change, so contact him or me.
Parts of speech: contact (verb, imperative) him (pronoun, object) or (conjunction) me (pronoun, object).
Check: Remove the other noun: Contact me. That reads correctly.
Example 6 — With Gapping
Sentence: She saw my father, and I left soon after.
Parts of speech: She (pronoun, subject) saw (verb, past) my (possessive adjective) father (noun), and (conjunction) I (pronoun, subject) left (verb, past) soon (adverb) after (adverb).
Check: Gapping sometimes hides the structure; test each clause separately.
Example 7 — Informal Speech Variation
Sentence: Me and my father went fishing. (colloquial, informal)
Parts of speech: Me (pronoun, object form used colloquially) and (conjunction) my (possessive adjective) father (noun) went (verb) fishing (gerund/object).
Comment: Common in speech but less correct in formal writing. Preferred: My father and I went fishing.
Common Mistakes
Mistake 1 — Using “I” to Sound Formal When “Me” Is Correct
Error: She gave the keys to John and I.
Why wrong: The pronoun is an object of the preposition to; object form me is needed.
Fix: She gave the keys to John and me.
Test: Remove the other name: She gave the keys to me. Correct.
Mistake 2 — Using “Me” in Subject Position
Error: Me and my father will handle it.
Why wrong: Pronoun is subject; subject form I is required.
Fix: My father and I will handle it.
Test: Remove other noun: I will handle it. Correct.
Mistake 3 — Confusion With Compound Objects After Verbs
Error: The award was given to my sister and I.
Why wrong: The pronoun is object of preposition; use me.
Fix: The award was given to my sister and me.
Test: The award was given to me. Correct.
Mistake 4 — Not Testing by Omission
Problem: Many people try to judge by how it sounds without testing. The simple omission test often resolves doubt.
Method: Remove the other person(s) and see whether I or me fits.
Mistake 5 — Politeness Confusion
Problem: Some people presume I sounds more polite, so they use it everywhere. Politeness does not change grammatical case.
Fix: Use I for subjects and me for objects regardless of politeness.
American vs British English Differences
Core Rule: Same in Both Varieties
Both American and British English use the same subject/object pronoun rules for I vs me. Grammar tests and omission methods apply in both.
Register and Speech Patterns
- In both varieties, formal writing prefers My father and I for subject positions and my father and me for objects.
- Informal speech widely accepts Me and my father in casual conversation. That usage appears in American and British spoken English, though some readers label it nonstandard.
Placement of Names for Politeness
Custom: Place the other person’s name before I or me: My father and I rather than I and my father. This is polite and standard in both varieties.
Regional Dialects and Constructions
Certain dialects may use different ordering or case in everyday speech, but standard written English taught in schools follows the subject/object rule.
Idiomatic Expressions
Fixed Phrases That Use “Me”
- Between you and me — common idiom meaning in confidence.
Example: Between you and me, the plan needs work.
Parts of speech: Between (preposition) you (pronoun) and (conjunction) me (pronoun) , the (article) plan (noun) needs (verb) work (noun).
Phrases That Use “I”
- My father and I often opens stories about shared action.
Example: My father and I used to plant trees each spring.
Parts of speech: My (possessive adjective) father (noun) and (conjunction) I (pronoun) used (verb) to (infinitive marker) plant (verb) trees (noun) each (adjective) spring (noun).
Pronoun Order in Idioms
When pronouns appear together, people often prefer polite ordering: John and I, you and I, my mother and me, etc. This rule is about etiquette and does not change grammatical case.
Practical Tips
Tip 1 — Use the Omission Test
Remove the other person from the sentence. If I alone fits, use I. If me alone fits, use me.
Example: My father and I arrived. → Remove my father and → I arrived. Correct.
Tip 2 — Look for Prepositions
If the pronoun follows a preposition (to, for, with, by, about), use object form me.
Example: For my father and me (preposition for requires object form).
Tip 3 — Break Compound Phrases Into Simple Sentences
If the sentence is long or awkward, rewrite into two short sentences.
Original: My father and I who live far away met last week and he showed me the house.
Rewrite: My father and I met last week. He showed me the house. Clearer and easier to check parts of speech.
Tip 4 — Maintain Politeness Order
Place the other person’s name first: My father and I, John and me (if object). This is courteous and standard.
Tip 5 — Teach With Examples and Tests
When teaching, show both wrong and right sentences with the omission test. Label parts of speech: subject pronoun vs object pronoun.
Tip 6 — Watch for Passive and Active Voices
In passive voice, the object may appear before the verb, but case rules still hold.
Active: My father and I admired the painting.
Passive: The painting was admired by my father and me.
Parts of speech: by (preposition) my (possessive adjective) father (noun) and (conjunction) me (pronoun, object of preposition).
Tip 7 — Be Careful With Appositives and Parentheticals
If an appositive or parenthetical follows, check the main clause.
Sentence: The winner, my father and me, accepted the prize.
Problem: This is awkward because the appositive sits in subject position. Better: The winners, my father and I, accepted the prize. Or rewrite: My father and I accepted the prize.
Tip 8 — Use Rewriting For Complex Sentences
If a sentence includes many clauses, rewrite to split ideas and then apply the omission test in each clause.
Tip 9 — Accept Spoken Variation, Edit Writing
Allow natural speech forms like Me and my father in casual talk, but correct to My father and I in formal writing.
Tip 10 — Label Parts of Speech When Checking
When in doubt, label the pronoun (subject or object), find the verb or preposition it pairs with, and then pick I or me.
Revision Examples
Revision 1 — Simple Fix
Original: John and I were invited to give a talk to teachers and John and I accepted.
Problems: Repetition and awkward second clause.
Revised: John and I were invited to give a talk to teachers, and we accepted.
Parts of speech: John (noun) and (conjunction) I (pronoun) were (verb) invited (past participle) to (preposition) give (verb) a (article) talk (noun) to (preposition) teachers (noun) , and (conjunction) we (pronoun) accepted (verb).
Revision 2 — Preposition Object Fix
Original: The award went to my brother and I.
Problem: Object of preposition to needs object pronoun.
Revised: The award went to my brother and me.
Test: The award went to me. Correct.
Revision 3 — Dangling Appositive Fix
Original: Our coach, my father and I, spoke to the group.
Problem: Appositive creates confusion over role.
Revised: My father, our coach, spoke to the group with me. or Our coach, my father, spoke to the group while I listened. Clear roles.
Revision 4 — Informal Speech Adjusted for Formal Writing
Original (speech): Me and my dad fixed the fence.
Revised (formal): My father and I repaired the fence.
Parts of speech: My (possessive adjective) father (noun) and (conjunction) I (pronoun) repaired (verb) the (article) fence (noun).
Conclusion
Choose my father and I for subjects and my father and me for objects and after prepositions. Use the omission (remove the other noun) or he/him substitution test to decide: if he fits, use who-style subject (I); if him fits, use whom-style object (me). Keep sentences short, put names before pronouns for tone, and check verb agreement when the compound is a subject. If you feel unsure, recast the sentence (for example, I will call my father → I will call him) to avoid awkward constructions.
FAQs
Use my father and I when the phrase is the subject of the verb; use my father and me when it is the object or follows a preposition. Test by removing the other name: I or me alone should sound correct.
In informal speech people say that, but in standard writing use My father and I went to the store. The pronoun is the subject, so I is required.
Remove the other person from the sentence. If I fits, use I; if me fits, use me. Example: She called my father and me → She called me.
No. The preposition between requires object pronouns. Correct: Between you and me.
Passive voice still needs object form after by: He was helped by my father and me. Remove my father and → He was helped by me. Correct.
It is common in casual speech. For formal writing, change to My father and I for subjects and my father and me for objects.
Use the omission test and short exercises. Show incorrect sentences, remove the other noun, and ask which pronoun fits.
Some dialects use it commonly in speech. In standard written English, follow the subject/object rule.
